I have complex childhood trauma, now what?

Annabelle Denmark, MA, LPCC • July 19, 2023

7 tools to help you on your journey to healing from Complex Trauma. 

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Your journey to the realization that you have complex childhood trauma

You have been to multiple therapists, working through your anxiety and depression. You still struggle with functioning at work, in your relationships, and in accepting and loving yourself. You feel somehow broken, flawed, or unlovable. 


And then one day, some memories start emerging, from times in your childhood when you felt less than, emotionally bullied or threatened within inches of your life. Or maybe you remember a family member, educator or friend of the family who did things to you that you have blocked out for many years. Those events happened over time, and because they did, you don’t have a sense of what is normal or not, what feels safe, what feels nurturing or threatening. 


Traumatic events versus post traumatic stress

Traumatic events are experiences that  happened to you as a child that were unsafe, violent, abusive or neglectful. You had little to no control over those situations, you could not change them or get out of them. 

Complex post traumatic stress is the consequence of those experiences and influences your thoughts, feelings, emotions and behavior on a daily basis. It is complex because it can be difficult to know what was traumatic or not and how to live with it


In relational trauma with others, we turn to others of healing

When you connect the events of your past with the ways that you relate to yourself and to the world, it feels overwhelming, and you think that maybe “this is just the way I am”. 

Some may tell you that you have a personality disorder, you may notice parts of yourself feeling numb, or  you may feel that you don’t really have a personality. You may experience that your sense of self is divided, or even nonexistent. 

You do not quite know how to “be” in this world, so you turn to others to seek validation. In the best case scenario those “others” are supportive and healing, in other cases, you fall back into a traumatic relationship where violence and gaslighting are common currency, but feel familiar. The cycle continues. 


In order to start healing from your traumatic experience, I offer you a change of perspective. I invite you to put on your explorer hat and start digging into who you are, how you function and how you can be in charge of your own journey to living a life to your full potential. I am offering you 7 tools to get you started. 


7 tools to help you on your journey to healing from Complex Trauma. 

  1. Start learning YOU. The landscape of your post traumatic experience is wide, nuanced and uniquely yours. Start paying attention to changes in your behavior. Do you feel like hiding or running away? Are you frozen in place? Why? 

Take note of how you feel around others. Notice how you feel : check your heart rate, areas of your body that may feel numb or other areas that may feel tight or raw. Notice when you feel relaxed in comparison to when you don’t. This work of noticing is done moment by moment, daily. You may start seeing a pattern. Write it down in a daily journal


  1. Feel the grief. In trauma, there is loss : Loss of the life you could have had, the person you could have been, the family that could have been there for you. Your grief is as endless and complex as your trauma. Let yourself explore it.

  2. Move slow in your exploration. What took 20+ years to build cannot take a few weeks to heal. Take your time and rest. Take breaks from it, watch funny movies, laugh with friends. Moving between deep exploration of your nervous system and surface level activities will help you integrate what you learn about yourself. 

  3. Find kindness toward yourself. When you start judging yourself for some of the ways you react, look at your child self from your adult eyes and say “you are scared aren’t you? That’s ok, I understand. We went through a lot”. While taking responsibility for your actions towards others, make sure you notice the scared child in you and acknowledge them.

  4. Surround yourself with people who can listen to you and support you. People who are kind to you. People you can have fun with. People who inspire you. Whether real or imaginary, those people will help you build your strength. 

  5. Seek a trauma therapist to work with you through your darkest moments, past and present, and who can help you develop resources to help you throughout the day. 

  6. Most importantly : sleep, eat well, drink water, move, and get sunlight. You can’t do any work if you are exhausted, depleted, hangry or dehydrated.


The content of this blog is based on my personal and clinical experience. It is not a diagnostic tool. If you suspect you might have ADHD, please seek assessment by a qualified professional.  For more information about who i am, check out the about me page. For more info about what I do, check out the services page. And contact me here


November 22, 2025
I’ve pulled together a holiday wishlist full of things that actually help — not the “must-have productivity bullet journal” hype, but real tools that me and people in my little ADHD-community lean on. Some of these are sensory, some are calming, some are just practical for a brain that forgets where it put its keys… again. This list is not sponsored — these are things that have brought relief or joy to real neurodivergent folks, myself included. My ADHD Gift Guide: What to Ask For (or Treat Yourself To) 1. Books & Workbooks The Anti-Planner If you’ve tried all the planners and they just end up collecting dust: this is for you. It’s not a dated planner — think of it more like an activity workbook for procrastinators. There are games, prompts, and low-pressure strategies to help you actually start stuff, even when motivation is MIA. It’s a favorite because it meets you where you are. Dani Donovan / Anti-Planner+1 Where to buy: You can order The Anti-Planner directly from the author’s site. Dani Donovan / Anti-Planner (Note: be careful of knockoffs.) Reddit+1 2. Fidgets & Sensory Tools Little Ouchie Grippie — This is one of our top picks in the office. It’s spiky, but in a grounding way — great for emotional regulation, calming down, or just giving your hands something to do when your brain is all over the place. Square Magic Dice — This is the fidget I can’t stop playing with. There’s a little hidden gem inside: a spinning-top spring surprise. It’s simultaneously weirdly magic and deeply satisfying. 3. Nervous System + Bedtime Support Pulsetto Vagus‑Nerve Device — Okay, full disclosure: I’m skeptical about how effective it is. BUT — I use it every night. The soundtrack, the ritual, the feel — it’s comforting. Pulsetto uses gentle vagus-nerve stimulation to help you relax, reset, and (supposedly) sleep better. 4. Grounding + Anxiety Soothers Bearaby Organic Cotton Weighted Blanket — Weighted blankets are a classic, and this one is dreamy. Soft knit cotton that’s breathable, but still gives that comforting hug. Perfect for calming down racing thoughts or overactive nerves. 5. Practical Lifesavers for the Forgetful Brain Apple AirTag — This is basically my “where are my keys? where’s my phone?” insurance. I’ve got like ten of these floating around, and on stressful days, “Find My” is my lifeline. 📝 A Few Other Beloved Ideas Beyond the main items, here are some bonus favorites from clients: Mini sensory stones or palm pebbles (textured, smooth, grounding) Visual timers (e.g., time-block timers) like the time timer A sunrise / gentle alarm clock (for less jarring wakeups) Noise-canceling headphones if the world feels too loud A self-care workbook (unplanner style) to track moods, energy, and needs 💬 Why These Items, Specifically I didn’t choose these just because they’re “trendy ADHD gifts.” Instead: These are things that people in my therapy space or IRL community actually use . They support emotional regulation , sensory needs , executive functioning , or daily brain stuff — not just productivity for the sake of “being busy.” Many are tools , not “fixes.” They’re not magic cures, but they help make life a little more manageable. ⚠️ Disclaimer This is just a personal list, curated from me + my clients. I’m not a product reviewer or a scientist — I’m a therapist + ADHD person. I cannot guarantee that these will “work” for you. Use your own judgment for anything with health or sensory implications. None of this is sponsored or affiliate-linked (unless you find links later, that’s your call — but not mine).
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By Annabelle Denmark LPC May 1, 2025
This post is for therapists in training and clients who would like to know a bit more about how I show up in session.
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March 16, 2025
Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) means experiencing the world on a deeper level—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Dr. Elaine Aron, in The Highly Sensitive Person, describes HSPs as having a finely tuned nervous system that makes them more reactive to their surroundings. This sensitivity can be both a strength and a challenge, especially when it comes to illness, medication, and personal care. Psychotherapist Robin Shapiro expands on this idea, emphasizing the impact of environmental sensitivities and the importance of trauma-informed therapy.